What defines a true friend? The following is a biblical perspective from the Book of Sirach, chapter 6.
When I was younger, I didn’t think much about this question. Life as a child, teenager, or young adult offers endless growth and learning opportunities. What excites us now often becomes trivial later.
As we grow, the value of true friendship becomes clear. Chapter six of the Book of Sirach answers the question beautifully: “A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter.” What a powerful metaphor!
To understand this imagery, consider the context of Jewish culture when the phrase took shape. The metaphor of a “sturdy shelter” holds both literal and symbolic meanings rooted in the experiences of the Jewish people and other cultures of the Ancient Near East.
Stability and Security
On a literal level, a sturdy shelter protects from harsh elements like scorching heat, wind, and rain. For nomads (which the people were then), it might mean a well-made tent. For settled communities, it refers to houses crafted from stone or other solid materials. The message is universal—a sturdy shelter offers both security and stability.
Now, think of your friends who shield you from life’s storms and in whose presence you feel safe. They defend and support you even when you falter. They tell hard truths that are liberating. They go all in for your well-being. True friends act as your shelter, offering strength and kindness. I’ve been blessed with such people, and I cherish them deeply.
“Sturdy shelter” also reflects familiarity. Just as shelters are built from materials close at hand, a true friend knows you deeply. They understand your strengths and weaknesses. Their support isn’t blind; it’s intentional. They chose to build you up and help you grow.
God as a Shelter
Theologically, “a sturdy shelter” symbolizes divine protection and refuge. Psalm 91 describes God as a refuge and fortress, a safe place in times of trouble. Similarly, Isaiah 4 describes a shelter from heat, storms, and rain, highlighting God’s ultimate care and security.
For the Israelites, the Tabernacle during their wilderness years and later the temple in Jerusalem symbolized God’s sheltering presence. These structures—built with care and precious materials—reflected spiritual security and God’s unshakable presence.
Even temporary shelters carry deep meaning. During Sukkot, the Jewish Feast of Tabernacles, fragile booths remind people of their dependence on God. Protection isn’t just about physical walls; it comes from divine faithfulness.
A True Friend
A true friend mirrors this divine shelter. They make you feel safe. They have your back when life gets messy.
Scripture (Sirach 6) paints a clear picture of such a friend. They stand firm when the going gets tough. They speak kindly. They aren’t fair-weather friends or opportunists. They don’t betray your trust. They don’t disappear when challenges arise.
Instead, they stand by you in trouble. They celebrate your successes as if they were their own, treating you as an equal, even when they’ve become more accomplished than you are.
Marriage, Vows, and Friendship
True friendship shines brightest in marriage. I observe it in spouses who are fully dedicated to one another and support each other at every turn. For priests and those who have taken religious vows, it is evident in their commitments to God’s people. They become a refuge, providing love and care through God’s grace.
Having someone you can call a true friend is a gift, whether in marriage or other relationships. If you haven’t found that trustworthy confidant yet, pray for one.
Scripture advises us to choose our friends wisely. To know a true friend, I would look for the qualities described above, in Sirach chapter six.
Ultimately, God is our most excellent shelter. To have God is to have everything. “The Lord supplies all we need (including true friends) according to His riches in glory” (Philippians 4:19). Have faith that you will find genuine friends and be open to welcoming them when you do.
